My boss and I arrived at the W Washington DC hotel, conveniently located a couple blocks from DAR Constitution Hall where our show was being held, Thursday evening around 9:15pm. I was excited to see that the view from my room looked out over the street and the Treasury building, but that is basically where my praise for the hotel ends. This particular W hotel is very modern, but it has gone overboard and resulted in an awkward room layout. Were I not staying in the room alone, the layout would have been rather uncomfortable, as the frosted glass shower backs into the bedroom and while only a shadow would be visible to someone sitting in the room, you can still clearly make out a person in the shower. Awkward. In addition, the sink and very small counter space are located outside of the toilet/shower area in the main room which just made for an overall bizarre and inconvenient layout that I didn't care for at all. I much prefer a more classic hotel room with the sink and a large counter in the same room as the shower and toilet!
Photo from the W's website. Not an exact replica of the room I was in, but gives a pretty accurate visualization of the shower situation:
The comedians and I met downstairs an hour later after settling into our rooms at J&G Steakhouse and had a nice dinner together. It's really gratifying to get to have these less "work-related" moments with the guys and be able to connect with them on a more friendly level. Oh, and to have a really expensive meal I am charging back to my company. I had the Sichuan Pepper-crusted Yellowfin Tuna, which was delicious. We sat around and chatted for a while, then all decided to call it a night.
The next morning, we were all up early for morning radio. The comedians were being split into two groups, so it was necessary for me to go with one of the groups, while our security guy went with the other. We were not going far, but we did have to drive the length of Embassy Row, past all the consulate buildings separating our hotel from the radio station. This provided no shortage of laughs, and I was thoroughly entertained. There is never a dull moment when you are sandwiched between two professional comedians on a 45-minute drive. We also had a little bit of a game going as to who could identify the flags flying outside the buildings. This was a gorgeous drive through a part of DC I had not seen before, much like being in New Orleans and then popping up in the Garden District.
The comedians spent about an hour at radio, and then we headed back to the hotel. My boss and I walked a couple blocks away and grabbed a quick omelet breakfast at the Corner Bakery. When we got back to the hotel, we were told that the view from the rooftop bar is incredible, so we decided to go check it out (sans 'bar' unfortunately!). There had been a line for the elevators the night before around the time we arrived and went to dinner - people completely dressed to the nines - and we had learned that the W's rooftop bar was the "it" place to go out in the city these days. The view was pretty awesome - it looked right over the White House's residential lawn. Had Obama been in town and wanted to grab some fresh air on his porch, we most certainly would have been able to see him. We mused for a little bit as to what kind of security they must have, considering what a clear view we had right into the most famous American home. Do they have snipers that had their eye on us the whole time? You almost have to believe they did.
At 10:45am, we were ready to head out on our next adventure of the day, and something everyone was very, very excited to get to be a part of. We had been invited by the U.S.O. to visit the wounded warriors wing at Walter Reed Army Medical Center while we were in town. This is something lots of celebrities do when they visit D.C., so I was very excited our comics (and myself!) were going to get to be a part of it. A few days before we left for our trip, we were notified that several times a year, the Pentagon hosts a special luncheon for the wounded warriors where they bus them and fly their families in to eat lunch and be recognized by high-ranking army officials. It just so happened that the day we would be in town, May 13, would be one of these special luncheons, so they were inviting us to attend this instead of the hospital! What a special experience to not only get to meet these brave soldiers, but to get to do so in one of the most fortified buildings in the world that very few people will ever get to see the inside of!
We first had to meet up with our liaison from the USO at a nearby hotel, and then under her escort, we were taken into the Pentagon compound. Getting up to the actual entrance of the building was literally a 10 minute drive from the official "entrance." It was a long, winding road that zigzagged back and forth, always keeping the iconic Pentagon walls in view. The whole drive was very climatic as we inched closer and closer to the building! The driveway indicated there was to be no photography from the road or the parking lots at the Pentagon. I was able to snap a quick photo undetected from the back of our SUV, though, of the sign at the checkpoint that indicated the entrance we were at was for DOD permits only. It all felt very James Bond-esque.
By noon, we were heading into an entrance marked "Department of Defense - The Pentagon," and going through metal detectors much like the airport...except that these workers were wearing fatigues and had automatic weapons. I'm pretty sure if the idiot TSA employees carried so much as a pocket knife I'd never fly again! We were then led down several long corridors to get to the banquet hall where the luncheon was being held. We were passing doors with signs on them that said things like "Afghanistan Task Force" and "International Terror Monitoring." It was overwhelming to imagine the important, world-changing conversations going on behind these doors. We also learned a few interesting tidbits; for example, our USO escort told us that although she is in the Pentagon every day and knows there are at least five floors below ground, she's never seen them and has to imagine the building goes much further down than that. It's pretty amazing to think that even people who work in the building every day still are completely in the dark on things as simple as that. By the time we got to the hall, I was so disoriented that I couldn't have found an exit if I'd wanted to. Well done, Pentagon Security. As simple as the layout should be (it's basically a circle, right?) it was very confusing with the inner rings and outer rings. I never really clarified exactly where we were in the building. I believe we were in the A ring, but I'm definitely not sure which of the five sides we were on.
Before we went into the room where everyone was waiting, our USO escort gave us a quick briefing: we were going to see some very gruesome injuries, the guys want to talk about their injuries and they are comfortable with it so feel free to ask questions, if we started feeling uncomfortable we could get an escort and leave the room, etc. (escorts were required just to visit the bathroom across the hall). I got more nervous at this point...I don't know what I was expecting to see, but what I saw was far more disturbing and made me more emotional than I thought it would.
Upon entering the luncheon, the first emotion that came over me was just complete intimidation. There were approximately 50 or 60 service men and women (approximately half of them in uniform) sitting at long tables with their families. At each table, there were at least a couple kids (people that were clearly younger than me) in wheelchairs. At first, nothing really appeared to be out of the ordinary, and I started walking around with the comedians as they greeted each table and handing out t-shirts and tickets to the show to the people who wanted them. However, I soon realized these were not just people in wheelchairs. As they started to wheel around the room and greet each other, I discovered most of them were missing both of their legs. People were missing 3/4 of their limbs. One guy we met told us his hum-v had rolled over an IED. He was missing both his legs and his face looked like a grenade had exploded on it - the entire left side of his face was practically stripped. He was actually one of the few who had visible wounds on his face. There were a few people not in wheelchairs, but I quickly noticed when they got up to walk around, they had severe limps. Everyone here had been profoundly changed by the war both physically and mentally, guys who aren't even old enough to drink or rent a car. It was so touching to hear their stories of bravery, and although I was standing on my own two feet, they made me feel weak.
In addition to the soldiers and their families, there was some serious army firepower in the room. The Secretary of the Army, John McHugh, was in attendance, as well as a 4-star general and some others who were very decorated. After I'd made a complete lap around the room, I shrank back to the wall and just watched each table light up as the comedians came over and shook hands and made the guys laugh.
After the luncheon had ended and all the soldiers were taken elsewhere, we headed back out through another maze of corridors and turns and escalators to the brand new USO wing in the Pentagon. Our USO escort was obviously very proud of this shrine, so we all acted as impressed as we could. Everyone was ready to get back to the hotel (and I was anxious to get over the venue) because we were running a little behind schedule at this point, so we didn't take much time to really give this area the time it probably deserved. One cool part of the exhibit were the photos beginning in 1941 when the USO was founded and going through present-day, showing different celebrities performing for troops overseas. Old photos of Bob Hope, Marilyn Monroe and many others lined the walls, documenting the 70 year history of the organization.
We were led back out the entrance we came through and took this opportunity to do a quick photo shoot, which we were warned several times was not allowed. But there was no way we were leaving the Pentagon without photos outside it's famous walls!
We got stuck in horrendous traffic getting back to the hotel, so the rest of the evening was a flurry of rushing around to get the show set up in only a couple hours. I learned that DAR Constitution Hall (where our show was being held), is a protected historic building built in 1928, and that every president since Calvin Coolidge has attended events there. I thought it was a beautiful theater, and the backstage was so distinct and everything just had an "old" feel...dark oak door frames, creaky wooden doors, etc. The show went well, and we even had a big group of the wounded warriors we had met earlier show up with the free tickets we had given them, which personally made me really happy to see them out doing something normal and having fun (even if it was from the constraints of a wheelchair). The next morning, my boss and I were up early and headed back to New York. As part of a deal we had made the night before, if I was up and ready to go at 7am, we would stop and eat breakfast at Cracker Barrel (a restaurant chain that abruptly ends in the mid-Atlantic region and a personal favorite of mine).
The hashbrowns were delicious. :)
My trip:
"And I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free.
And I won't forget the men who died, who gave that right to me. " - God Bless the USA, Lee Greenwood
Miles Traveled Today: 452
Total Miles Traveled: 14,567
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